


Lost

by Writing_in_SIN



Series: Chasing Eucatastrophe [1]
Category: Kamen Rider - All Media Types, Kamen Rider Ex-Aid
Genre: Canon Temporary Character Death, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Houjou Emu Needs A Hug, Hurt No Comfort, Missing Scene, Panic Attacks, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 02:31:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21420736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_in_SIN/pseuds/Writing_in_SIN
Summary: The last time Emu did this, it was a gamble out of necessity. Now with the Double X gashat in his hand, Emu grips it with hope and grief in his heart— and prays.
Relationships: Houjou Emu & Parad (Kamen Rider Ex-Aid), Houjou Emu/Parad
Series: Chasing Eucatastrophe [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544239
Kudos: 31





	Lost

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This is to those who may prefer to read my story 'Chasing Eucatastrophe' as separate one-shots.
> 
> Warning: While I tend to write my Ex-aid fics about them as Gen, what the relationship between Emu and Parad is up to your interpretation. Honestly speaking, I see their relationship as something that not only has no definition but is actually BEYOND definition; literally something that's beyond their very identity. I mean, how do you define a relationship of two souls that are now merged into one; a relationship that's basically what home is? So how you want to see their relationship as is up to you.
> 
> Do I ship ParaEmu? YES!
> 
> But that doesn't mean everyone does so how you wanna see them is up to you readers.
> 
> Just keep in mind that whenever I write the relationship between Emu and Parad, it's going to be intimate because of the reasons I've mentioned above. If I can put it into words, this is the closest thing I could think of: They're not each other's priority, they're each other's FACT; someone that goes without saying. It's like how even though water is given priority over food, things are different when air is added to the equation. I think we all know that unlike water or food, air isn't seen as a priority but is instead a FACT that goes without saying.
> 
> ...Does that make any sense?
> 
> Anyway, please read the tags in case if there's something that you may not like and hope you'll enjoy the fic.

* * *

**LOST**

* * *

It's a pyrrhic victory.

Body aching, Houjou Emu trudges back to Seito University Hospital in a numb daze. Beside him are his fellow doctors (and one self-proclaimed deity); all equally battered and bleeding. Stepping inside, he blinks hazily at the array of patients, now cured of the Gamedeus pandemic. He should feel relieved, but honestly, all Emu can feel at the moment is an exhaustion that seeps into his very bones that's only outweighed by the raw pain in his chest— as if someone had hollowed out his insides and torn out his heart.

_'Isn't that exactly what happened?'_ Emu thinks to himself almost hysterically. _'Connected hearts. Parad is my heart...right? And Parad is...he's—'_

"Dead..." Emu mumbles, listing to the side and slides down against a wall. Before he can topple over, several hands dart out to catch him and he blinks again to find himself being supported by Hiiro and Kiriya; their worried faces swimming into view as they huddle in the halls of CR.

When did he arrive back in CR?

"Intern," Hiiro begins quietly, almost gentle in his concern. "Where are you hurt?"

Everywhere. Nowhere.

...his heart. Where has his heart gone?

Disintegrated into pixels.

Gone without a trace.

_Dead._

And now there's only deafening silence where there used to be another mind; another heart, parallel to his own.

Separated. Reunited. Torn apart.

They barely had any time at all.

"Emu," Kiriya calls out urgently but Emu can barely hear anything from the ringing in his ears. "Shit, he's having a panic attack!"

Another pair of hands grabs his shoulders and Taiga comes into view, his usual scowl being replaced by a worried frown. "Ex-aid, look at me. You need to synch your breathing with mine. Can you do that?"

Can't. Hurts.

"Houjou Emu..." Kuroto says softly as he kneels beside Kiriya and Emu must really be in bad shape if even the resident maniac sounds worried.

Why are they worried? They've won.

Ah.

...But they've lost so much along the way too, didn't they?

Gamedeus is dead, but so is Dan Masamune; the only one who knows how to bring back those trapped within the Proto Gashat is gone and with him, their chance on saving those who were lost.

Poppy; his closest friend who sacrificed herself to save them from the worst pandemic they've ever seen. The kindest and most hopeful person he knows— gone, while he's left with a promised to Poppy unfulfilled.

And Parad...

_Hey, Emu?_

_Yeah?_

_Can we play games after we win against Cronus? N-not anything that hurts anyone! Just...fun games. Like the ones you play with...friends?_

_Sure, I'd love that._

_...Really?_

_Definitely._

Where has his heart gone?

"Oi, Emu!" Oh, even Nico is here. "Get a hold of yourself! Taiga, help him!"

"I'm trying, dammit!"

Is it possible to grieve a best friend you've only just starting to get to know?

_I hope this _make_ up for my sins, somewhat..._

The walls spin, and when he tries to right himself, Emu feels his fingers brush against the thick bulk of a double gashat— and his mind blanks as he abruptly remembers _which_ gashat it is.

The Double X gashat.

Orange and Cyan.

Emu stumbles to his feet, pushing past his startled friends, and promptly sprints on shaking legs and into the elevator before anyone else can stop him. And maybe there's shouting behind him, things about someone catching him, but the doors closed shut behind him before he can hear anymore than that as Emu jabs the button for the roof.

Better be safe than sorry since the rooftop has a wider space if anything were to happen.

Emu has to grip his hands tight to stop the trembling and when the doors of the elevator finally opens, he stumbles out and runs up a flight of stairs until he reaches the door to the roof. Fumbling with the knob, Emu barrels his way through and swallows big gulps of fresh air in the wide open space of the rooftop, giving relief to his burning lungs.

The last time Emu did this, it was a gamble out of necessity. Now with the Double X gashat in his hand, Emu grips it with hope and grief in his heart— and prays.

**CLICK AND LOAD!**

There's a heavy thump in his chest where his heart is supposed to be and his brain shrieks at him to move.

Dead. Alive. Dead. Alive.

Moment of truth.

Emu pulls the lever and waits then, feels his stomach roiling as the driver lets out a sound that makes his blood runs cold.

**ERROR!**

"No," he croaks out, staring down at his gamer driver in betrayal when the transformation screen doesn't appear. Pressing the buttons, Emu watches helplessly when it doesn't make a difference before he clicks the lever closed before he pulls it again.

**ERROR!**

"Please..."

Again.

**ERROR!**

"Please...!"

And again.

**ERROR!**

"**PLEASE!**" Emu screams at his driver, shaking the machine with a white knuckled grip as he sinks to his knees. "Give Parad back to me...!"

Emu heaves in gulps of air and dimly, he can hear voices and maybe his friends have finally caught up to him but he shoves them away and promptly throws up on the cement underneath him. There are hands on his person and shouting above him, but Emu can't focus on anything besides the fact that Parad is really _gone._

Dead. Dead. Dead.

**GAME OVER.**

A sob breaks out and Emu sinks onto the floor in a shuddering heap.

Emu is vaguely aware of a terrible sound in the air, someone whining, and it's coming from his own throat, but he can't really connect to that. His fingertips claw into the hard ground, and he arches, struggling to try and haul in air as his brain screams at him.

He can't breathe. He can't. His chest is tight, and he can't breathe, and it hurts so much!

Parad is _dead._

_It may have been a short time, but playing games with you...it was the best fun I've ever _had,_ Emu..._

In technicolor, his brain is stuck in a loop on the moment of him running towards Parad; watching and feeling with muted horror as Parad fades away before Emu could even reach him— too little, too late.

Where has his heart gone?

Can somebody please give him back?

Dead. Dead. Dead.

It goes on over and over again, repeating louder and louder until blood pounds behind his eyes as his legs spasm uncomfortably, shooting fire through his body. His eyes are burning, and he's probably crying, and Emu is pretty sure that breathing is never going to be quite right for him ever again.

"Parad..."

Can grief over someone he was only starting to find dear to him hurt this much?

There are black spots dancing across his vision before Emu has a fleeting thought that maybe he's going insane because before darkness claims him, Emu suddenly feels a pair of arms in magenta sleeves wrapping him in a warm embrace and a voice; once so frightening in its cruel playfulness but has since become so soft and fond with affection and empathy as it whispers in his ear.

_Sleep, Emu._

Lost and heartbroken, Emu closes his eyes and weeps— letting his grief send him into merciful darkness.


End file.
